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Showing posts from 2010

Single Most Embarassing Moment of my Life.... and I have a lot!

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As I went to the restroom in the local Walmart yesterday and saw this chair in the handicapped bathroom... I was reminded of a story I thought you would enjoy.

It was the same time of the year.  The boys and I were at the Ontario Mills Mall fighting the crowds and looking for Christmas outfits for pictures.  Sol was about to turn four and Zach was five years old. 

Being human I had to go #2 pretty bad.  The line was huge and because I had my entourage with me I had to wait for the handicapped bathroom to become available.  I was dying! Finally it is available and the three of us rush in and I hang my bags... I speedily lay out the toilet seat cover... and I sit down.  Aghhhhhh relief..... people you know what I am talking about.

Anyways... Solomon had just started to really talk. For some reason he was a late bloomer.   So he decides at this moment to speak clearly, loudly,  and in a complete sentence and says, "YOU GOING CACA MAMA?"  I hear all the giggles from the other…

Badda Bing Badda Boom - Dreams Crushed

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When I was a little girl I always had this dream of working in advertising.  I would look at magazines to check out the creative ads.  I used to watch the Superbowl just for the commercials.  I was going to be a big time advertising executive... not a burnt out transportation sales representative (save that for another day another blog).  I have such an imagination... that I could turn any situation into a commercial in my head.


For example... once I was at Home Depot and I was trying to get assistance from somebody and could not find a person to help me.  I obviously looked like I was needing help and when an employee would see me, they would literally run in the opposite direction.  How often does that happen???  So then I thought about it... this would be a great commercial for Lowes... you have a customer roaming around the store looking for the people in the orange aprons for help and they are hiding in the carpet rolls or something. Then the commercial  would flash over to the…

Turkey Confessions.

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Okay... I have a major confession.  This is a bad one.  So last night being up with a sick kid I might have slept two hours.  I woke up this morning in a panic because I snored right through my alarm and woke up at 8:07 am.  (I have to leave the house at 8:30 to make it to school on time.) After working on Solomon's project yesterday I was super excited to watch him turn it in.  So the pep in my step this morning was motivated by that big smile everyone would give me when I turned in my turkey.  I mean, Solomon's Turkey.

I woke up Solomon and laid out his clothes.  In my Jack Bauer voice I say, "Solomon!  We have less then 20 minutes to put your clothes on, brush your teeth, spike your hair... and eat breakfast. Can you put on your clothes, brush your teeth, spike your hair while I go get your breakfast started?"  (Really I wanted to add chest hair to my turkey, but he didn't need to know that.)  "Can you do it Solomon?" 

Solomon says very dramaticall…

Call me Blanche.

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What happened to me?  Here I am up at 2:31 am with a yacking kid.  My 10 year old Zach has a mean cough. This is my life. It revolves around my children. It's nothing new.  Five years ago I was home on a Friday Night trying to stick a suppository up Zach's butt.  I remember sitting on my couch with Zach over my lap kicking and screaming... I think I was crying louder then he was.  9 years ago I was 8 months pregnant on bed rest because Mr. Solomon was trying to come early.  11 years ago I was ravaging through my trunk trying to find a clean pair of underwear so I can change out of my club outfit and go to work.   

What happened?  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kids.  Everyone knows that.  I don't even want to think about my life without them.  I just miss some things.  Like my thighs not touching.

I have crossed that invisible line of looking young and fresh to being a true Golden Girl in my thirties.  Friday night I went to a karaoke bar and did not get ca…

The Devil in Disguise... as Tamales.

Well now that all the Halloween candy is just about gone... and all we have left are Almond Joys, Jawbreakers, and Dum Dum Pops... I thought it was safe to start my diet again.  

That was until this morning...   I am convinced that the Devil came to our door this morning disguised as tamales!  I mean really!    Seconds before the knock at the door, I was just planning (for the 18th time) how I would start my diet.  Then I heard the knock... I knew it had to be bad.  And it was... we had several tamales to choose from.

  Even last week Yogi (My mother) invited me to  join her and Agnes (Will talk about her later)  at the pool to do a water work out.  Me thinking that this is just a pool workout am overly confident and say "Sure!"  Now I have not done any kind of workout in over a month and a half.  Unless you count the time I pushed Nikki in the stroller to go pick up the kids at school.  I got to the top of the hill and needed a defibrillator and a ride home.  So I guess it…

Smarties (Not Beer) for your Horses!

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Okay... super day.  Microwave version of my day is this.  Football Successes.  Solomon finished the season 9-0.  Now we have playoffs.  Zachary's team finished 1-8.  We won our last game with seconds on the clock, final score 26-20.  I thought surely I was going to have a heart attack!  Talk about your nail biters.  I just kept praying to God to let these boys win.  I said, "I know you love all the boys, but please just love our boys a little more." 

You would think the great games would of been the highlight of my day.  Or maybe the baby shower that I attended in between my two games where I won 4 Smarties Leis and the baby shower version of the Price is Right Game.   I never win anything.   It was a great day.  But I have to say the high light of my day was where I fed a horse candy at a gas station at 11 pm in Norco.

So let me set the scene up.  I just picked up Solomon at his friends house in Mira Loma... I am driving home and am very tired and it is late.  Around …

Start Time

Anybody who knows me knows that I sometimes can have a way with words.  I love to talk...  I talk too much!  (Insert Run DMC "You Talk to Much" here) So what is a better way to blab to myself and any other willing person who will listen?  A Blog! 

But first... A Disclaimer

I DO NOT GRAMMAR CHECK AND CHOOSE NOT TOO.  MY BRAIN AND MY HANDS SOMETIMES DO NOT WORK TOGETHER.... SO I AM APOLOGIZING IN ADVANCE. 

So last year a wonderful thing happened.  My baby sister Dominique was eengaged to her long time boyfriend Wade.  Right when that happened I knew that in the near future I would be having to squeeze my butt into a dress.  So... the dieting and the crazy work outs began!  Month and month I pushed to lose weight.  With that dress as my prize.  Well one day I had to go get fitted for a gown and I did what every delusional bridesmaid would do and order a dress several sizes smaller. 

Very long story short.... the dress came in.  I had a better chance fitting in the Chilean Min…